Thursday, November 3, 2011

All in good time.

One thing we've neglected to learn (apart from our rights)...:
When to shut up.
When to speak up
When to Stay away
When to show face
You can't win all battles by sheer will of strenght
Some battles-and i daresay wars-are won by common sense and wisdom.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Dilemma of a single girl

- The temptation to settle for less.
- The pressure from everyone around you to "reduce your standards"
- The view from everyone that you are not serious.
- The nagging need for companionship
- The tick tock of the absurd 'biological clock'
- These darn hormones raging like was going out of fashion
- And finally those pesky statistics that a man (quite obviously) made up specially to scare the pants off us.
 So i heard this piece by Janette....ikz of P4CM and it reminded me why i should stay focused and on track and how easy it is to do so....Just say NO!
Earlier this year i made the resolution to always do right (as much as is within my superhuman capabilities *wink wink*) and to always say the truth no matter how hard it is and who might get hurt, all the while being mindful of others (in other words, not to be an insensitive beyotche) knowing that the only way to be original is to be truthful in the famous words of C. S. Lewis.
I want to live.
I want to live well
I want to live fully.
I most definitely want to live long.
When you're single....Heck! what do i really know of it. I'm not an authority on Single-dom ( I am not a movie-stereotype of a spinster int he Big city) I'm just trying to navigate it's murky waters myself. That is not to mistake that i'm an authority on committment-hood either (no siree!, in fact marriage and committed relationships used to scare the sense off me), that was until i met someone i am convinced must be an Angel (another story for another day)
Anyways find a video below that keeps me going. It's a spoken word piece by Janette...Ikz (mentioned above) titled 'I will wait for you'. I hope it can feed someone's soul like it has done mine. :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Things no one ever told me

When you're young and starting out in Life, no one ever tells you that the people you've known and loved all of your life, the ones you never knew you could live without will someday leave your life: Sometimes they move, sometimes you move, sometimes you drift apart. Sometimes they want to, sometimes you want them to, sometimes you need them to end. Sometimes, even more finally, they die.
I have, however, learned that even though you never expect this to happen-you hope even that it never happens-it does happen and most times there is nothing you can do about it. In all of these happenings, I have also learned that you survive each and every 'leaving', each and every season, each and every encounter.
I can't promise that it gets easier with time. I can't promise that the dull nagging ache will eventually leave your heart. I definitely can't promise that the 'leaving' will end soon enough, but what i can promise is that it will not kill you and that whatever does not kill you surely will make you stronger. I can also guarantee that sometimes the 'leaving' creates a little more room to encounter the vast riches of the human experience; where knowing people has it's seasons and is usually for a reason. I can say it leaves no room for doubt that when the rubber hits the road the only person you have for sure is you and God, so you might as well nurture that relationship. I can also say that every chance encounter is not without its purpose.
After all is said and done, it makes you a stronger, wiser, richer and more mature person and i sure as anything can guarantee that all of this is worth every throbbing ache you'd ever feel.
I should know!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Please forgive me.

When I saw you lying on that hospital bed reality hit me, hard. I realized how close i was to losing you forever. I knew i couldn't go another day without saying what I've needed to say for the longest time. These words are my own, from my heart: 

For every furrow I ever put in your brow.
For every teardrop I let come to your eye.
For every frown I ever let crease your face.
For every word of anger I let come from your lips.
For every nick I put in your heart.
For every sour taste I left in your mouth.
For every memory I left in your thought.
For every restless night I gave you.
For every worrisome day I caused you.
For not letting you know how much you mean to me.
For loving you a little too much for your good.
For every moment of regret I made you feel.
For not leaving your life better than I met it.
For ever hurting you in even the slightest way.
For everything wrong I ever did.
For everything right I'd never do.
For all of these and more,
With my hat (and gloves) in hand, my puppy dog face in place, fingers pulling at my ears...I am really truly very sorry and I apologize for being my selfish, silly, reckless self.
In case I never let you know before, I cared for you-a great deal-and I probably always will. It never wavered and it endures still.
Please forgive me for being typically me. :(

Bleeding Heart

My heart bleeds red hot tears for Northern Nigeria;
For all the lives lost in this mindless battle
For the floods of tears from the eyes of the bereaved mothers.
For the pain that fills the hearts of the widows
For the unsung hurt the men are ashamed to feel
For the shaking and the shivering, the tremors felt all over, not because of the cold weather but because of the inexplicable pain that the mind cannot comprehend.
For the anger, the malice and the misunderstood judgement weaved into the fabrics of the hearts of the ones who are supposed to be proponents of peace.
For the fear and insecurity in the eyes of the children who are unsure of what grave sins the past committed to warrant such a bloody present and the reality of an undecided future.
For the despair of the father for the fate of the family he is unable to protect.
My heart bleeds for Northern Nigeria. Red hot tears for my beloved Northern Nigeria. My pride. My Beauty. My Regal Queen. The Majestic crown on the pate of Nigeria.
For Abuja, for Jos, for Maiduguri, for Kaduna, our princesses stumbling off their royal steeds, our joy.
I still believe that someday, like a phoenix, Nigeria shall rise out of the ashes that bemoan Her battered past and like the legendary Spirit(stallion of the cimarron) ride back into promises untold.

I especially love this song because it shows us a part of Africa (Nigeria too) we'd like to believe isn't there. A part of us we wish we could ignore. A part of us we don't like to take responsibility for. If we don't stand our ground and protect our portion, our land, who will? This isn't the time to be calm and suave when our house is caving in over our heads.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Featured Writer: Paulo Coelho- Closing cycles

So I recently discovered this amazing Author, Paulo Coelho. His Blogs and tweets and writings and thoughts are not only amazing and deep but his insights are oh so inspirational. The most fascinating thing is how timely finding this particular post was for me. I have been going through a moulting stage in my life and that is usually the most difficult phase (Ask any full grown insect). After a while, "...the only constant thing in life is change (and death and taxes)..." becomes a cliche means nothing, but this puts it all out in a different light for me and more importantly teaches me to get through the changing peaks and valleys that is life. We all know the dynamics of changing seasons can be frustrating. So here's hoping this gives someone a little more understanding like it has done me.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Happy new you People!

Thursday, July 28, 2011


With all the goings on in this country, all we can do is trust and hope and pray. The corruption and greed has eaten too far deep into the fabric of our democracy. The greedy spirit of consumerism that is typical of the black race has become too deeply ingrained in us that it is the only way we can ever know to live. Do you think i'm over-spiritualizing when i say it is only God that can help us? If so, please suggest who then. I will personally got to such a one with a special envoy.
All I know is this; it has gotten way beyond our human capabilities but i will continue to do any and all i can that the change may come.  I will wait and hope until i see the change, because truly the change begins with you and me, and until we begin to see things the way they truly are and the way they can be, we have a long long ways to go.
God bless Nigeria!
God bless Africa!!
God bless Negroes!!!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Dang Murphy and all his laws.

They say growth or change is not always a seamless transition free of pain and that is soooo true. The initial phase is always the hardest part, i hear it is supposed to get easier or better with time. I really hope so.
Adam and i met up this last weekend, we just felt like it was OK for us to have drinks and just talk. After all isn't that what friends do? Needless to say, the evening did not end well. When i got back home, all that was on my mind was...:
All the time i had you, i kept on telling myself it's not you i need and that was the truth, but now that you're gone i'm wondering if and how i can live without you {in the loosest way}.
All i know is how i feel right now and how i feel is i don't wanna lose you, all of you. Your friendship, the way we talk, all the things we planned, all the promises made, but i guess that makes me selfish. It wasn't supposed to be this hard, friendship with you is supposed to be the natural by-product, so what went wrong? What's going on?
I miss you so much, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I guess this is what they meant when they sang "be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it all and then some you don't want..."
Truly things hardly ever go the way we plan or hope. Darn Murphy's law and all it's variants.
The way i see it, Daughtry's song "home" is doing it for me right now so i thought i'd share.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

A thank you note.

To Adam (read about him here and here),

Thank you for letting me see that God really does answer prayers.
Thank you for understanding the struggles i had.
Thank you for trying to change to fit into a mould you thought i wanted
Thank you for fighting time and again to stay with me
Thank you for putting up with the horrible things i did and still seeing that it wasn't really me.
Thank you for thanking me for being with you
Thank you for helping me pass this test (i think)
Thank you for setting me free from the chains i bound myself in.
Most importantly thank you for listening to the voice of God and doing what you did even though you didn't have to.


So where was I..... Ah i remember now:

Anyways, all this while i tried and did everything to make him break up with me (trust me, everything in the book) but still for some reason he kept coming back. And still i prayed some more. My prayer was for him to get to a point where we could break up (hopefully, amicably, but if not anyways) but still be OK with each other because he really isn't a bad person.
Fast forward to today; So i was in church and the message of the day was talking about having 'buts' in our lives and getting rid of those 'buts' and it really hit home with me and i really needed this to be over and done with and i prayed again.
As soon as i got home, i called Adam cos i felt we needed to talk but couldn't get through to him. About an hour later he calls and says in the most amicable manner how he was in church and the message of the day got to him and had him thinking...long story short he feels like we should be just friends. It completely stunned me, not because i was upset but because it was just soooo surprising but i have never been gladder.
Glad because God obviously does answer prayers.
Glad because He has no reason to but God really does pay attention to my seemingly silly pleas
Glad because it is finally over
Glad because a burden has been lifted off my shoulders
Glad because the lies are finally over
Glad because now i know that new and better things are coming my way
Glad to be openly and completely single
A little bit hurt definitely (breaking up is never easy) but i know this is the right thing to do and i am on the right path finally and i am glad about that too.
For the first time in a long time i can be naked and unashamed, free to be.
A little nervous cos i feel vulnerable to Adam, like he knows my weaknesses and i am filled with trepidation about stepping out into this new 'place' without him but it sure feels like sunshine is at my doorstep. and i can fly on the wings of the winds. So light and breezy, no greater feeling and I'm loving it.


So this weekend has been a roller-coaster for me. Hopefully i can finish it talking about it all in 3 long-post installments :) :(

Here I am in what is supposed to be a really happy day and i am so confused about my feelings. They are  so mixed that it feels like a whirlpool inside. A jumble of joy, peace, happiness, sadness, anger, guilt, feeling of vulnerability and a whole lot more that have yet to be named.
Let me start from the beginning:
Well,it turns out i did what i wasn't supposed to do and dated the best friend of my ex (it's OK to come with the shocked looks, open mouths and accusing fingers). It's not like i was looking to date him or i was tripping all the while my ex (let's call him Ochan) and i were together. We didn't plan it out or anything like that, like joke, like play oh.
So basically, we had been keeping it under wraps for a while until we could figure it all out, but before that happened (the figuring) i got too guilty to go on. I got too guilty about everything and i'd tried time and again to break it off. For some reason, the best friend ( Let's call him Adam) refused to let it end, and then i would feel real guilty about trying to end it too. Each time i broke it off and told Adam i wanted it to be over, he would give me  reasons why we should be together.
The feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction built up so much that it affected everything around me including work and my relationships with everyone around me especially my relationship with God. There was a lot of anger and doubt.
Anger at me for not being strong enough to stand my ground and run him off.
Anger at him for making me feel like this and not letting me go
Sick at both of us for what we were doing.
So what did i do? I prayed. I prayed to God to make him see and feel the way saw and felt.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Random Incoherent Ramblings.

RIR....hmmm, kinda sounds like R & R (rest and relaxation). I wish, but they are so far apart in meaning in this instance because now, I JUST WANT TO VENT.
Anyways, like i said, this is just a bunch of randomly thrown together ramblings and if my thoughts turn out to be coherent, then.....Hallelujah!
So i have this issue where i literally cry more than the bereaved, as in, take chemo for another person's toothache. Where i take panadol for someone else's headache, wonder why the person is't getting better and so i keep taking the panadol until i OD on the prescription. Am i making sense yet?
See, it's like this: When i have a friend, fortunately or unfortunately i tend to care A LOT about them. No half measures with me oh, either i'm all in or all out. So when i care about them, i also care about what bothers them, their passions, their cares and i just want to know and help them be the best the can be and know their lives are better for it even if a teensy weensy bit.
Now if this person, in one of our discussions, happens to tell me a hope they have, a dream they are building,a wish they are nursing(you know what i mean)-even if just in passing-na there wahala start because i will also nurse that hope for them sotay...such that my every waking thought and passing fancy will be how to build towards that goal. The little contibuting factors to the dream are top prority for me, replaying the discussionover and over in my head. I'm working out stuff for them in my head; what they can do, who they can meet, how they can be, a book they can read, what they can say and all what not.
Now after a while i tend to realize this person is not 'running with the vision as fasta s i think they should be and then i am frustrated, "Can't you see as far as i can see? Why won't you do what i think you should be doing? Don't you want this thing badly enough?", and i am pulling my hair out in every direction because i expect so much more-i admit that sometimes, i think it's possible i get a tad bit overbearing about it, just a tad bit oh- but i just believe you need to throw all your weight behind your dreams. Do everything humanly possible,every single thing within your human capacity to bring them to reality, you know? Only then can you leave the rest for God and trust him. Make it easy for God to help you, is all i'm saying for crying out loud.
Worse still if the person isn't running as fast as i feel they should be, i tend to get angry with them . When i get to this point, i just drop everything, walk away and never look back again. No care and concern, not an inkling of the previous passions (in true fact i just feel like it's hopeless).
I think i need a therapist. Do i have a major problem? How can i solve it? How do i not-care? How do i detach myself enough? Please i need answers and i need help, it's killing me here.
WHAT DO I DO????????

Friday, April 29, 2011

Runteldat: Look, Your Savior Comes!

For the last few years, so many things have been going on in the country especially in the last few weeks of election. 
It is saddening what is going on around but i refuse to be discouraged.It has become more than obvious that this is not a fight we can hope to win with arms, intellectualism or even pickets, what then do we do? 
What we do is we look to the only one who can.
 Now more than ever i will cry out to God concerning Nigeria because now more than ever i believe He is working out our salvation. Why else would we be going through so much pain? This represents the labour before birth and i am convinced we are birthing new and good things in this land and for this country. I have been praying and speaking concerning Nigeria and i ask as many as believe in us to do the same. Refer to the passage below in your declarations and meditations. Let us be the change we seek.
The Message
 Regarding Zion Nigeria, I can't keep my mouth shut, regarding Jerusalem Nigeria, I can't hold my tongue,
Until her righteousness blazes down like the sun
and her salvation flames up like a torch.
Foreign countries will see your righteousness,
and world leaders your glory.
You'll get a brand-new name
straight from the mouth of God.
You'll be a stunning crown in the palm of God's hand,
a jeweled gold cup held high in the hand of your God.
No more will anyone call you Rejected,
and your country will no more be called Ruined.
You'll be called Hephzibah (My Delight),
and your land Beulah (Married),
Because God delights in you
and your land will be like a wedding celebration.
For as a young man marries his virgin bride,
so your builder marries you,
And as a bridegroom is happy in his bride,
so your God is happy with you.
I've posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem.
Day and night they keep at it, praying, calling out,
reminding God to remember.
They are to give him no peace until he does what he said,
until he makes Jerusalem Nigeria famous as the City of Praise.

God has taken a solemn oath,
an oath he means to keep:
"Never again will I open your grain-filled barns
to your enemies to loot and eat.
Never again will foreigners drink the wine
that you worked so hard to produce.
No. The farmers who grow the food will eat the food
and praise God for it.
And those who make the wine will drink the wine
in my holy courtyards."

Walk out of the gates. Get going!
Get the road ready for the people.
Build the highway. Get at it!
Clear the debris,
hoist high a flag, a signal to all peoples!
Yes! God has broadcast to all the world:
"Tell daughter Zion Nigeria, 'Look! Your Savior comes,
Ready to do what he said he'd do,
prepared to complete what he promised.'"
Zion Nigeria will be called new names: Holy People, God-Redeemed,
Sought-Out, City-Not-Forsaken.
The destiny of Nigeria is in our hands, We are the country, the country is us.

Just do it!

1st Corinthians 2:14....but the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, nor can he know them because they are spiritually discerned.
What God leads a person to do does not always make logical sense to his mind. His spirit may affirm it and his mind reject it especially if it would be out of the ordinary or unpleasant or if it would require personal sacrifice or discomfort.
Reasoning is not always a good thing, not when it comes to God. We humans have an innate ability to deceive ourselves through reasoning when we really don't want to do what God is saying.
God wants us to obey Him, whether or not we feel like it, want it or think it is a good idea. When He speaks, we are to mobilize not rationalize

Culled from Battlefield of the mind

Thursday, April 14, 2011

About Silver-linings and gratitude

Because life happens sometimes....
So it took this domestic accident I had some time ago for me to know really that ALL things ultimately work together for good. This incident has made me see how one can always find a reason to be thankful, in every situation to give thanks to God.
Yeah boiling water spilled all over me but I’m thankful I was able to remedy it in good enough time.
Yeah it hurt like you wouldn't believe but I'm thankful that it didn't get me admitted or bedridden (it happened to my colleague a short while back).
Yeah, it scarred but I’m thankful that my whole right leg wasn't all swollen and filled with blisters.
Yeah, the area still hurts days after but I’m thankful that I’m not numb but able to feel, even pain. Numbness could mean or lead to a thousand and one not too pleasant things, you know.
What I’m saying is, it could have been worse but it isn't.
Thing is I’m not being insensitive when I say it doesn't matter how bad the story is, if you look you will find a reason to be thankful. If you don't recognize the Hand of God in all things and at all times, if you don't see the supernatural influence on the seemingly insignificant stuff as well as the overwhelming ones...sad to say you have lost out on living to fullness.
He cares about us so much he's numbered the hairs on our head -think about it, it means that when i brush my hair and i see some strands on the brush, He knows that the strands on the brush are numbers 812, 87743, 2356, 4653, 10 and so on, get it? - So what do you think is too small to matter to Him or too big for him to bother about?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dating 101 - How to cry

They say women who date married men shouldn't wear mascara.
 Why? You may ask.
 Because of all the time you'll spend crying and messed up. I reiterate and add, women who date players shouldn't wear mascara, women who date bachelors needn't bother either.
 Heck, women who date shouldn't wear mascara.......Come to think of it, women who are married to the married men shouldn't wear mascara too (or maybe keep wipes handy).

In the quest for love, your heart is bound to get a few nicks here and there. If you don't, you are extremely blessed. If you do, the pain is worth the prize...eventually....I think.

Mena, I AM SORRY, I listen to advice (you can see i hear word ba?)... really. ;;)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Facts of Life - Women

Women by nature are multipliers. What you lay on them or give them, they multiply it back to you.
You give them your seed, they give you a child.
You give them attention, they give you devotion.
You give them pain, they give you torture.
You give them trouble, they give you hell.
Yep! That's us.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Happy New year!!!!

All through the new year celebration and even several days after, i have had time to think, to reflect, to reminisce on the last year( and all other synonyms that may apply). A lot of things/thoughts came to mind, a lot of songs also came to my mind.
In my mind i was having a conversation with my Lord and we were talking on the past year and the ones to come. I know i have hurt his feelings in more ways than one. I know i have broken his heart time and again. I know i have upset him one too many times, putting a furrow in his brow.
I have said i am sorry a thousand times, i have begged for his mercies even more but beyond all this He has been there.
Even all of my faithlessness was not able to extinguish His faithfulness. All of my foolishness could not drown out his extravagant grace. All my betrayal did not overturn his undying love.
Tell me, how can i not love him like i do???????  So that's why i say from the depth of my heart, in the words of Damita heart, my mind, my soul, my love, my life, the song i sing, the life i live....they all  belong to you. Yes, i surrender it all. Yes, i turn it all over. Yes, it all belongs to you.
More so, i think the song, Moving forward by Isreal Houghton is pertinent especially at this time.

What a moment You have brought me to.
Such a freedom I have found in You.
You're the healer who makes all things new.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead.
I'm here to declare to you my past is over.
In You all things are made new. Surrendered
My Life to Christ. I'm Moving, Moving Forward.

You have risen with all power in Your hand.
You have given me a second chance.
Hallelujah, hallelujah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead.
I'm here to declare to you my past is over.
In You all things are made new. Surrendered
My Life to Christ. I'm Moving, Moving Forward.

You make all Things new.
Yes, you make all things new and I will Follow You forward.

I will follow you forward.....

Here's wishing everyone a happy new year( it's never too late for that wish, right?) and hoping you share these...sentiments. May the rest of our days be the best of our days:)