Saturday, February 27, 2010

Anger Management 101

Whoever made up the BS-y theory of counting to ten when one is upset missed out on a few salient points:
1. What degree of upsetness does this work for? Annoyed? Irritated? Mad? Livid? Irate?
2. Does this still work when the person or thing responsible for arousing that emotion is still in view? e.g, you are still reading the text message or the person is still in front of you saying those thing that piss you off.
3. What to do with those bottled up feeling that beg to be let loose even after all the different sets of counting have ended?
Pray, do tell.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Does this happen anywhere else in the world? Seriously.

Said one frustrated Nigerian mind to an angry one;
'I think the NEPA or is it PHCN (same terrible difference as far as i am concerned) issue is becoming ...well, somewhat of an issue.'
'Somewhat!!! Did I hear you say "somewhat of an issue"? How's that for the understatement of the century?! It has gone beyond "somewhat of an issue" and has entered the "crisis deserving of a global summit inviting the G8, G28 or G48, whichever is the highest possible level." category
I mean imagine I've been back home for about three weeks now and I can't remember seeing my lights on (not for a fuse crisis at my end, of course), save for a few flashes in the morning just as i'm about to leave for work, it all got me wondering whether i should bother about Christmas lights this December (they got that covered for me already).
Watch a movie? That's being a little too ambitious. The light doesn't ever stay on long enough to finish an episode of them Mexican soaps. Got my Players, DVDs and CDs gathering dust, and my disc-man, and laptop on hyper-drive (they are already protesting, stubbornly too). I ask myself, why bother?!
My laptop? It only works at the office these days(office... generator...getting it now?) one would think that i might as well get a desktop, right there in the office. At least until they make those lappy batteries that last 48-96 hours.
Coupled with the heat and mosquitoes, i find i do not need to bother about night creams or moisturizers, i have gotten the replacements. Odomos and Dusting powder. :)
Generators, you say, are the answer. A part of me is rebelling against gen-sets. Of course, there's one in the house, but all of my life i have not known how to turn one on and i am not planning to learn how to. It's my personal crusade against these gen-set makers/sellers/marketers, who are the major sponsors of this crisis, because of their unfair yet certain proceeds in this(i make bold to opine). Methinks they are the brains (and purse) behind this whole operation. This has got me looking for the latest innovations in torches, lamps and rechargeables.
Besides, it has been discovered that generator emissions are the major cause of death among Nigerian women, due to oxidation and stuff, leading to osteoporosis, cancers and other related ailments (another science lesson for another day). This is usually misdiagnosed or disguised by our failing healthcare system:(
*{Outta breath} * In the famous words of Shakespeare "...what's in a name...", NEPA by any other name would still be as...appalling.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Remix of the conversation between Lil' Red riding hood and BBW (beautiful black woman)

Red: My! What wide nose you have.
Sistah: All the better to take up air with.
Red: But Sistah, what dark skin you have.
Sistah: All the better to fight off the harsh African sun.
Red: What kinky hair you've got?
Sistah: All the better to conserve water in the tropical heat
Red:But Sistah, Why are you so prone to birthing twins?
Sistah: All to better the odds of high rate of mortality and low life expectancy.
Red: Why do you always seem so angry and violent?
Sistah: All the better to ward off any prospective slave traders and ambitious superiorist(is that even a word?) groups
Red: Why are you so beautiful?
Sistah: All the better to attract the other half of our specie (we gotta keep up our depleting race, ya know?!).

LOL. Musings of a mischievous mind.

Monday, February 15, 2010

To the one I love, at valentine.

This just happens to be my favourite love song and it reflects all the ways i'll ever feel.

"I'm Jealous"

If I were the moon, I could
catch your eye--I'm jealous of the moon
If I were the wind, I would
make you fly--I'm jealous of that too

I wish I were the sun shining
on your face--caressing like a lover
I would wrap you in a warm embrace--
we'd be holdin' one another
(I'm jealous of the sun)
I'm jealous of the sun
(Jealous of the sun) Oh,
I'm jealous of the sun

Oh, I don't wanna share you with
nothing else--I gotta have you to myself
Oh--I can't help it--I'm so in love--
I just can't get you close enough, no

When the sun's on your skin--
I can't hold it in
And I know it's a sin--
but I'm jealous of the sun

I wish I were the rain runnin' down your
neck--and drippin' from your fingers
Then I could be the drops rollin' off your
back--I'd love to let it linger
(Jealous of the rain) Oh,
I'm jealous of the rain

Oh, I don't wanna share you with nothing
else--I gotta have you to myself
Oh--I can't help it--I'm so in love--
I just can't get you close enough, no

When it rains on your face--
I almost can taste
Your beauty, your grace--
I'm jealous of the rain

[Instrumental Solo]

When the wind's in your hair--
the way it blows through the air
Oh, it's seems so unfair, yeah

When the moon's in your eyes--
you seem to light up the skies, yeah
And I realize--
I'm even jealous of the moon

Love and airports:)

Don’t you just love airports?

The anxious families; either waiting to start off their family vacation already or keen to get home, unpack, rest and be over with it all.

The excited kids; just delighted to see lots of people and lots of play-space, they are always so cute in their colourful outfits, jingly shoes and gleeful laughter.

The eager lovers; who spent heaven-knows how much time and money, preparing, planning and anticipating this perfect get-away. Can’t wait to be alone together or maybe after being alone together for a time, beats them that the fantasy is over and reality must once again be lived.

The impatient ladies; who still cannot fathom why things just can’t work better at airports. Why the cashier at the counter is so rude, why checking in is a long and arduous process (“…is all of this really necessary, do I look like an Osama-inspired Mutallab? Besides I’m female, D’uh!”)

The frustrated business men; who always seem to be overwhelmed by deadlines, timelines and money lines (whatever that is), they still can’t figure out how the airlines do not seem to care that there are only 24 hours in a day, the bother of a 1 hour flight is just too much of…well, a bother. The more time is wasted, the more money is lost. When are they even gonna invent teleporting for humans sef?!

The happy friends; who are just glad to have caught up with each other again after eons of lost time. “Fancy meeting you here”, “what have you been up to since all this time ehn?”, “So are you married? Kids”

And finally, me, the curious on-looker. Just watching and enjoying imagining the stories behind all the people that rush by, it’s like someone out there pushed the fast forward button.

Hmmm…I do love airports. The sights. The sounds, and the over-priced shops.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

About Life and labels

So I was out with a guy one evening (read: date) and then we got talking trynna get to know each other a little better ;), and then he asked me the loathsome (using the term lightly) question; "would you say you're a good girl or a bad girl?". I couldn't help but raise my eyebrow at him, I finally told him I wasn't even gonna dignify the question with an answer. Maybe it's just me but I find that question very...what's the word I’m looking for...unjustifiable and undignified. I'll tell you why:

First; who is the judge of who's a good girl and who's a bad girl? Who's making up the rules? What are the terms?

Secondly; how do you class it, based on past, present and future actions? How does motive play on your verdict, because there is a very clear (albeit relatable) distinction between thoughts, motives and actions.

Finally; why would you ask me that question? What are you trynna establish or prove and to whom? Do you really expect me to subject my noble self to your inquiry as to my honest answer to your ego-tripping question????

I can imagine how brash I might sound now but it’s only reflective of how much this issue grates me. Imagine you and a guy (that you might even like) on the rocky road to a stable relationship and the next thing you know, you are are made to feel like you must have had a past, present and future that will impress him and his plans to court you or not. Like, anything you say (or have said), do (or have done) and think (or have thought) can and will be used against you in the biased court of his mind. That is just too much unnecessary pressure on a young single girl in the 21st (or is it 22nd) century I must say.

Am I a bad girl based on your opinion as a ‘evaluator’ who grew up in a nunnery or seminary and have only known life from that perspective?

Am I a good girl based on your opinion as someone who grew up in the Columbian or Italian mafia or drug cartel?

Is there a constitution or world standard on the exact protocol guide on the acts of a good/bad girl?

Am I a good/bad girl because I did some things in the past? What if I don’t do them again, am I still a good/bad girl?

Am I a good/bad girl because I am doing some things now that have not really become a habit with me?

Am I a good/bad girl because I have not yet done some things that I might be planning to do or have done but have not yet been evident?

What of if I am thinking of some good/bad things but not yet have done them either because I don’t have the gall to or because I am still mulling over it?

What of if I do the ‘best’ stuff but with the most evil expectations, what does that make me?

Why would you ask me if I am good or bad? What answer do you really expect? What about you? What would you say about yourself? That said, do you think you are in a good position to adjudicate against me?

I am not a good girl because I do not have lots of sex with random men (could be frigidity) and I am not a bad girl because I do (could be virility); simply because sex is not enough as a basis for that.

Yeah! Forgive me for also having an ego and a pretty good dose of self esteem, enough to say, stuff what you think! You can make your own judgment, I can't control that, so please keep it to yourself, but I really do not care how that plays out.

The Bible is my basis and my constitution and the only way to know good or bad is; by the Lord’s commandments and ‘by their fruits’. If that is really so, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Period!

Monday, February 1, 2010

The great escape

Once again i take a trip. A trip to my favourite place. My place of escape. To the place of my fantasy. A trip into the far recesses of my mind. A short but worthwhile trip cos ever so often I go on my great escape but it can only be a pit-stop because i cannot set up shop right here, If not.... (There’s a medical term for that condition and I really do not fancy labels)
Anyways so I get into my cabin in the woods by the lake. No, I don’t need to go in or unpack…I set myself up in my favourite spot; the well-cushioned swing bench on the porch. As I look out over the lake and surrounding trees swaying lazily in the cool summer breeze, I just lean back into the unending softness of the mounds of pillows. As I close my eyes I let the jazz music from the ancient boom box in the kitchen waft all over and around me, and the swing moves really slowly, back and forth, to the rhythm of the wind.
Oooh I could stay here like this forever, it seems like time has stood still for me. There is peace and serenity and all’s well with the world, the world’s alright with me…..Hmmm-mmmh, this is where I wanna be……..