Thursday, October 30, 2008

You know, you hear the word all the time and it seems easy enough to do and live by but just wait until you're actually in the 'situation' and then the phrase 'easier said than done' just jumps out at you. Like the part that says pray for and love your enemies, or the one that says when your day is going horribly,one should speak bout it being a wonderful, testimony-filled day, or the one that says when you're down and out and your heart is broken you should encourage yourself in the Lord. Seems easy enough, right? Wrong. I've been there and i know that singing praises when you can see everything falling apart before your very eyes isn't the easiest thing to do,trust me. Or confessing a beautiful day to rejoice in when from the moment you opened your eyes, you felt like you should go back to bed, till it's 6pm and still no beauty in sight, feels like there's no reason to hold on and be strong. You just wanna give up because it just feels easier.
But above and beyond all of your fickle feelings, you remember the words you have read and known; 'the just shall live by faith', and '...we walk by faith and not by sight', and 'for we are not moved by what we see for the things we see are temporal....', and 'our God is able to make all grace abound to us', and '...His grace is sufficient for us', and '...for it is in our weakness that His strenght is made perfect....', and most of all 1st Corinthians 10:13. How can i neglect 1st John 4:4 or Romans 8:37, for i have overcome and i am more than a conqueror no matter how it seems....for i am like mount Zion that cannot be moved, no, not by what i see or what i feel, because the things i see, the things i feel do not change what is. God is God irrespective of what i see or feel, Truth is the truth, and i must see it as that. Simple.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Counting My Blessings...2

As i go on counting my Blessing i think the second most important aspect is my Family, so Next in the countdown or whatchamacallit... My Dad.

So here i am grateful to God that i even have one at all. I coulda been one of them kids who never met their father, i coulda been one of them kids whose fathers denied them but no i'm not. I coulda been one of those kids with an irresponsible father who refuses to even pay any sorta attention to the kids he brought forth, but i'm not. I coulda been one of the kids with a fetish father, who took them through all sorts and gave them over to loads of ungodly covenants, but no. I coulda been born to one of them fathers who sleeps with their daughters, but no. I coulda been born to a father who's always in the news and not for good reports, but i wasn't. I coulda been born to a father who doesn't place any sorta emphasis on good education or even any education at all. I coulda been born to one of them fathers who marries his daughter out to old strangers as some sorta payment to a debt. I coulda been born to one of those fathers who betrothed his daughter out immediately she's born. My Dad coulda given me out as a slave to one of them buyers. He coulda put me up for sale to the highest bidder. He coulda held back all the good he gave. He coulda killed for no reason. He coulda made my Mum abort me for some reason. He coulda given me to some useless, random uncle to take care of me.

Now i don't mean to be insensitive, or plain mean and cruel especially since i know that there are fathers like these out there who are special in their own way. I don't mean also to say that my father is flawless and the perfect dad, Au la contraire, he's far from the dream of ideal dad,very. I know he isn't perfect but he sure isn't the worst of the lot. He not everyone's fantasy but he does his best. He may not give anything but i took some ideals and values and morals from him. It may or may not end well but he led me off to a good start. No matter how bad it got,i'm still here, we're still here. He gave me a wonderful wonderful sister and a lovely mother. He is a good provider and a better fall-back. Now i may not sense, see, or even feel it but i know in his own 'unique' way, he loves me, us. He may not have always been sweet and sensitive but he made me the strong lady i am today. He may not always have been an ideal but he led me to look for and find the Ideal, God. He may not always have given me all the luxuries i 'wanted' but he set standards for me. He may not be the perfect role model but he made me able to seek for what i believe a real man should be. He may have been strict bordering on mean but he curbed a lot of my excesses that woulda been my undoing. He may have been too principled but he protected me from some S & S. For the accommodation, food, shelter, money, education, clothes but most of all for choosing to be a vessel through which i was born and for allowing God to use you as my Caretaker i am eternally grateful.

And for these and more i am thankful for the man i call Daddy.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Counting My Blessings...1

Instead of spending all my time and thoughts grumbling, mumbling and complaining, I'm starting this thing where i focus on the good and ignore the bad in everything, everyone and every situation. Where i learn to give thanks to God knowing that the thoughts he has for me are those of peace, knowing that these thoughts gimme a hope and a future, knowing that all things are working together for me and my good. Learning to be self-centered in those thoughts knowing that i cannot be disadvantaged. Am i sounding arrogant or overly confident yet?

So anyways, here i am counting my blessing and trynna name them one by one, how hard can that be right? Well let's see....

First i thank God for my Life:

If nothing else, this is more than enough. From even before i knew me, the odds have been against me, but time and again I've beat those odds. When i was a year old i was sick for over a year, such that no one thought I'd survive it, but still God kept me and made me the fattest, cutest strongest baby who grew into the slimmest cutest strongest babe.
As i was growing up, i recall more than a few times when I've had brushes with danger and death but again and again I've escaped such that not one person even knew what i was coming from. The most recent being my brush with a train...yeah, you got that right! Who'd have thunk it? I was in a vehicle that got hit by a train and was dragged for several metres but still i came out unscathed, was injured a bit but then not so much that I'm scarred for life, now if that ain't grace I'll never know what is.
I know I'm not where i oughta be in my life right now, but i most definitely am not where i was before. It's dynamic, and so am i, and I'm soooo thankful for that. Thankful that i can see where I'm going and it's such a beautiful place. The road is not all flowers and candy, but it's not all rocky and craggy either. If i must say so myself it's a wonderful life.
I have seen the best of times and the worst of times but I'm still on top of it all. I'm coming out and i can still hold my head up high and say really and truly that it's alright, i'm okay. That i can look at where i'm coming from and be proud bout my past. That in all my twenny- odd years i have few to zero regrets. If that isn't something to be thankful for, then I'm clueless bout these things....

Thursday, October 16, 2008

How Important is attraction?

It keeps happening to me that i meet seemingly perfect people, we end up being pretty good friends but when it's time to take it to the next level, nothing. I really have to ask, "is it only me?".

These guys seem like all that i should want with great potential, but chemistry? Zero. Now my question is this; How important is Chemistry in any relationship? Is sexual attraction over-rated? Am i being shallow and narrow-minded if i want a man that will touch me and make me shiver, or whose thoughts gimme goose-pimples or when i think of him a mischievous smile creeps across my face? How important really is all this?

I place a Lotta emphasis on physical and sexual attraction, i always have, might always will....remember this song by Betty Everett- It's in In his kiss, well I'm a strong believer in that. Now I'm not saying go on and kiss every guy you meet but somethings have to spark when you're together, you know?!
The issue is it keeps happening time and again, now the ironic thing is the one that is a dream come true is too good to be true. Again I ask, Is it only me?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Letting go (1)

Now how does one know when to let go; of people, of stuff, and even of clothes and undies? How do you know when a relationship has run it's course and should be shaved off? When is the right time to do the right things? How long does one have to be patient for? How much should one be willing to take? How long do you hold on for even when it doesn't seem worth it? How do you even know if it's worth it or not? How far do you allow people stretch you even when you're or you're not sure of their love for you? How do you know they even send you in the first place? Especially when you are in a relationship, how do you know how much is enough? When is the right time to turn your back and keep walking? How do you do it right, irrespective of how difficult it is? Forget bout ideals, I'm talking bout real life. Real all up in your face issues with those you seem to be closest to or at least should be.

Writers Block

Hmmmmm, i think i need help. The muses are obviously upset with me, who knows how i can appeal to them? They have been conspicuously absent from my life for a while. Been having writers' block, i mean y'all dunno how bad it's been...soooo bad that sending a text message is a daunting task for me....mmm-hmmm!
HELP Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

So random

You know how sometimes you do something you're not supposed to do and you know it's not right but you keep right on doing it? Good.

Then you know how at some point you realise that you can't keep doing it when you know you're not supposed to? Yeah

So someday you find the strength to stop doing that thing that you know you can't keep doing but somehow find yourself repeatedly doing. OK.