RIR....hmmm, kinda sounds like R & R (rest and relaxation). I wish, but they are so far apart in meaning in this instance because now, I JUST WANT TO VENT.
Anyways, like i said, this is just a bunch of randomly thrown together ramblings and if my thoughts turn out to be coherent, then.....Hallelujah!
So i have this issue where i literally cry more than the bereaved, as in, take chemo for another person's toothache. Where i take panadol for someone else's headache, wonder why the person is't getting better and so i keep taking the panadol until i OD on the prescription. Am i making sense yet?
See, it's like this: When i have a friend, fortunately or unfortunately i tend to care A LOT about them. No half measures with me oh, either i'm all in or all out. So when i care about them, i also care about what bothers them, their passions, their cares and i just want to know and help them be the best the can be and know their lives are better for it even if a teensy weensy bit.
Now if this person, in one of our discussions, happens to tell me a hope they have, a dream they are building,a wish they are nursing(you know what i mean)-even if just in passing-na there wahala start because i will also nurse that hope for them sotay...such that my every waking thought and passing fancy will be how to build towards that goal. The little contibuting factors to the dream are top prority for me, replaying the discussionover and over in my head. I'm working out stuff for them in my head; what they can do, who they can meet, how they can be, a book they can read, what they can say and all what not.
Now after a while i tend to realize this person is not 'running with the vision as fasta s i think they should be and then i am frustrated, "Can't you see as far as i can see? Why won't you do what i think you should be doing? Don't you want this thing badly enough?", and i am pulling my hair out in every direction because i expect so much more-i admit that sometimes, i think it's possible i get a tad bit overbearing about it, just a tad bit oh- but i just believe you need to throw all your weight behind your dreams. Do everything humanly possible,every single thing within your human capacity to bring them to reality, you know? Only then can you leave the rest for God and trust him. Make it easy for God to help you, is all i'm saying for crying out loud.
Worse still if the person isn't running as fast as i feel they should be, i tend to get angry with them . When i get to this point, i just drop everything, walk away and never look back again. No care and concern, not an inkling of the previous passions (in true fact i just feel like it's hopeless).
I think i need a therapist. Do i have a major problem? How can i solve it? How do i not-care? How do i detach myself enough? Please i need answers and i need help, it's killing me here.
WHAT DO I DO????????