Friday, January 6, 2012

Another year, come and gone. Welcome to 2012


So I've been holding out on blogging for a while now, I have very valid, almost legal reasons. 
For the latter part of the last year, I'd been on a roller-coaster of emotions that ended up with me crashing and burning. Truth is, the darn helmet doesn't offer nearly as much protection as they say it does.
Anyways, I know I will come back and talk about it all at another time but the emotions are just so raw right now, it keeps clawing at and leaving deep gashes in my heart. Just gimme some time, let me get my thougths in order. *sighs long and deep*
A heart incident doesn't get any easier as you get older (on the contrary). No, time doesn't make it any better (at least, not significantly). Scars are not less painful than the actual injuries (definitely not the physical appearance of said) and it's possible they may never fade {just needed to get some truths out there}. Like a dull familiar ache, you just have to get used to it.
All I know is as the year ended the one thing I kept thanking God for was that I was able to get through the past year with my mind intact. That was my New Year Miracle!
There were times, especially in last quarter of the year when I really doubted that I would survive between work, relationship, friends and family issues. Times when I just knew it was over. As I lay alone (and lonely) in my hotel room, a few days to the New Year crying from a freshly broken heart, the only thing I could ask was for God to help me keep my head, keep me from losing my mind, give me strength and will 'cos I was all out!
2011 was a difficult year for me all around, tasking my heart far more than i ever thought possible or far more than I would have liked so from this moment on, New year or no, I'm gonna start living for ME and me alone. I have named 2012 the Year of the goddess that is ME. No more relationships that spurn me or my beliefs. I have learned that being Single is truly having the courage to say NO to being taken for granted, Courage to say NO to being deserving of less than the best thing for me. So I am embracing and adoring the Goddess that I am, No offense and No apologies. Gonna start living for me.
I dunno when or how this present pain will go away but I will do my damnedest to make it the very least of my worries. 
This song "Imagine Me" by Kirk Franklin gives me all the strength I need to go on right now. The past, the pain, the worries, yesterday.....it's all left behind. You can find the lyrics to the song here

4 comments:

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Toinlicious said...

I wana hug you. I want to say it gets better but i wont. I'll say focus on the positives and let the negatives go. xoxo

Now come back and do a real post :)

Eya Ayambem said...

I hope and pray it's better now.

Eya Ayambem said...

Its always good to be you. Greetings Miss N