What's the deal?

Sometimes I wonder (not out loud, at the risk of getting mobbed by them fundamentalists) why African and more specifically Nigerian foods and clothes are never without at least a tinge of stress. I mean from the most basic to the more celebratory, our outfits, foods and even celebrations are always synonymous with "a Lil over the top", we give life to the phrase 'going overboard'.

OK, let's start with our clothes; I'm still at a loss whose outfits are more "stressful" between the Indians and Nigerians, yeah they wear Saris and they are not just like press buttons to wear, i mean much more skill is needed to wear a sari correctly than to make love, but when you look at the simpleness of the saris and more so salwar kameez suits...but when it comes to a traditional Nigerian outfit, before we even go too far the gele takpamkpa, head gears and what-nots are a different ball game entirely. I remember two people spending over thirty minutes trynna tie the gele for my cousin who was getting married (get a load of that), did i neglect to mention that it was two geles at once, the day before was the whole beading process, makes me shudder to think of my own wedding day(s). I daresay if you're not tying something on top, you're twisting something at the bottom or smack dab in the middle.

Do not even get me started on our foods and recipes; the pounded yams, fufus, akpus, starch and bangas...i could go on forever. As far as the average Nigerian is concerned if it's cooked in under 30 minutes it can't be done enough to eat. The whole fast food thing hasn't even begun to sink in their minds yet. The average man sizes his wife up by her ability to clean and cook and not just the basics, I'm talking bout hard-hitting stuff here. I mean i went for a job interview and was asked if i knew how to cook (uh?) to which i answered "yes,"
the next question outta the interviewers mouth was "what's the best thing you can cook"
and i replied " Plantain"
and then he looked at me stunned and was like " Maybe you didn't hear the question, i said the best thing you can cook?" to which i repeated my answer and he kept looking at me incredulously like...is that your final answer.....you still have two lifelines...are you sure, final answer. I mean hang a Nigerian girl for enjoying eating junk-food and cooking plantain?
Puhleese!
It's like having a hard life is the culture, as for me, i beg to differ.

I am not a feminist but...

For decades and indeed centuries, the role of women and women as individuals has been subjugated, downtrodden and downcast so much so that a woman is perceived as an 'object' which bends and bows to every childish, silly, over-excited, testosterone-driven whim of a man. The woman's struggle for emancipation has been since the beginning and may very well last till the end of time. I mean when the men stop getting their kicks from disrespecting women, who's gonna pay attention to them? Who's gonna be next in the "line of fire"? Will it be the kids? (even men won't sink that low... or will they?) or could be with their fellow brutish specie (like they have the courage to pick on some one their own size).

True enough, God made the woman from the man, no arguments there. It's also probable that we are a fickle species (why do you think we are so interesting and mysterious, not to talk of interested in them). And it's a fact that I, as a Christian, and probably most of the other religions- Have God adjuring women to be Submissive to their husbands. In fact the Bible clearly commands me to respect my husband, but in the light of all this the men being the first to be created of the two ( and therefore older right?) and the more stable ( if we are more fickle) have the greater responsibility to love their wives ( You go macho man!). Is it then sensible to say that if men expect submission and respect from women they should in turn love these women. Needless to say love is tantamount to respect, you can't separate the two, they go together like white on rice. To put it in words that even 'they' will understand, if you want me to respect you and submit to you, you have to respect me and love me! Somehow i find it hard to believe that men who have women walking around half-naked, held captive or locked-up in a harem, shaking their tail-feathers and strutting their stuff in music videos, advertisements and other multimedia have ever really loved any woman talk less of respecting them (that would be too much to handle).

It has been said that there is some sort of relationship (irony, i think) between the negative actions we portray and our hidden inner insecurities. For instance, the Eiffel tower n France was said to have been built by the French king at that time to make up for his inadequacies as concerns his size ( if you know what i mean) also recall Lord Farquahh in Shrek 2(getting the gist now?), and then the myth that short men love big cars, houses e.t.c. Much as i admire Dbanj (Congratulations on your MTV award and all the others) and his charisma, his suave and charm leaves a lot to be desired. I mean, with all the much ado about; his "koko", anaconda, kokolets, him always talking bout hitting it, smacking that and getting some, i really have to wonder if, when it comes to Dbanj, the "koko" really is "no long thing". Gimme a break Dbanj and tell me something new, something that won't offend my ears, something I'd like to hear or better still put your money where your mouth is. No offense and definitely no biffs.

If you have a beautiful Monet or Picasso, would you use it as some sorta tray for nik-naks or maybe as fuel for your fireplace. No, i don't think so. You're gonna put it in the best lighted spot in your favorite room where you and others can see it and admire it with reverence and if possible you're gonna put a 2-mile electric fence around it. In the same vein, a woman and indeed sex is beautiful and thus must be respected as such. It really is simple: If you love it, respect it. If you have ever loved a woman then respect women. If sex is beautiful then respect sex. In all their diversities. Capisce?!

No long thing!